


Come Home

by Maitea



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Ghost!Connor, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Mushie R. on YT, Inspired by Music, Jetpack Blues - FOB, M/M, Short One Shot, Some lyrics are changed, Songfic, The Author Regrets Everything, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 05:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14230539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maitea/pseuds/Maitea
Summary: Connor froze, and listened as Evan let out a blood murder scream. Its a scream that hurts him more than his own mind could ever do. Its a scream that makes him wonder what he did so wrong that even Evan had to say it. Its a scream that makes him so scared because what if Evan will never forgive and love him ever again. He turned around, and saw Evan down on his knees. He was shaking, a lot.He hated himself for being so selfish and stupid.





	Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING : Suicide/Self-harm/Depression/Self-hate
> 
> ~~~
> 
> This ain't for the faint of heart
> 
> Enjoy? Idk man I have no idea why I wrote this ;-;

_I got those jet pack blues_

Connor doesn’t remember anything. He woke up feeling empty, but not the same kind of empty. This one was off, it was new. He groaned as he slowly sat up, hoping to understand his situation more. He barely did, but the real question is - why is he here? And why was he here alone? He would normally be with-

_Just like Evan_

Right, Evan wasn’t in town. He and his mother went out somewhere to take a vacation, which is something that they normally didn’t do.

_The kind that makes June feel like September_

Summer vacation, started just a few weeks ago. And what has Connor done? Absolutely nothing. Connor looked down at his arms, and they were strangely pristine. His cuts and scars weren’t there, no where to be seen. He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to remember what he did. Probably smoked again, Evan wouldn’t like that.

_I'm the last one that you'll ever remember_

Evan- he was waiting for him! But how he decided to wait for him here is strange. He patted his pockets to try and search for his phone, but found nothing. He can’t remember anything, and its really stressing him out. Why is he so fucking stupid?

_And I'm trying to find that peace of mind_

‘Calm down, Connor...’, he told himself. He looked around, and noticed that it was dark. Really, really dark. Was it raining? He could faintly see the raindrops falling, but he couldn’t feel them on his body.

_Behind these two white highway lines_

He stared at his arms. He keeps getting flashes of his old scars, red, stinging, and painful. He never liked doing the cutting, but there was nothing else he could do. It was like another addiction that only he knew, and no one would care if they knew.

_When the city goes silent_

Everything was just a mess. He was a mess, his life was a goddamn mess. Everyday it was just the same meaning behind different words. ‘You’re a disappointment’, ‘You’re a monster’, ‘ You’re useless’. They all hurt the same, seems like words do cut deeper than knives. He heard it so many times that he can even hear it in the silence.

_The ringing in my ears gets violent_

There is never nothing to hear, there's always that something in the background. The insanity that is always going on in his head is so fucking loud and deadly. Sometimes its so much that his mind would just black out.

_He's in a long black coat tonight_

Connor could see a silhouette slowly walking towards him, but he knew from afar that it was Evan. Wait, Evan was here? Did they plan to meet up here? Maybe Connor just feel asleep then.

_Waiting for me in the downpour outside_

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to meet up here, its starting to pour down really heavily. Hopefully Evan can see him through the rain. They always liked it though, they’d snuggle in blankets together while they hear the sound of the raindrops falling onto the window. Maybe they could do that once they get home.

_He's singing "Connor, come home-" in a melody of tears_

Exactly what Connor was thinking. But the way Evan said it was... off. Dare he say disturbing. He could see Evan now, and he was crying, panicking, and terrified. Connor didn’t like this combination one bit. He knows that its raining, but he could clearly see the tears streaming down Evan’s face.

_While the rhythm of the rain keeps time_

Connor gave a nervous smile when Evan saw him, with his arms held out awkwardly. Evan’s face turned pale, and he just broke out crying. Connor stood up, and walked towards him so he could comfort Evan and say he’s alright. But Evan went right past him and-

_Then I remember_

_‘ **Connor :** come home’_ He wasn’t okay that time, he remembered.

 _‘ **Connor :** please come home’_ He was having a really bad time, he remembered.

But Evan wasn’t at home, and that was probably the most painful part. Evan was always checking on him, calling or texting Connor whenever he could. But he lied, he always has.

_And then Connor left his home._

_Did you ever love him? Do you know?_

Connor froze, and listened as Evan let out a bloody murder scream. Its a scream that hurts him more than his own mind could ever do. Its a scream that makes him terrified. Its a scream that makes him wonder what he did so wrong that even Evan had to say it. Its a scream that makes him so scared because what if Evan will never forgive and love him ever again. He turned around, and saw Evan down on his knees. He was shaking, a lot.

_Or did you never want to be alone?_

Connor was so afraid to move. He left his hands close to his chest, and he felt like crying. But he couldn’t. He just stared at the shaky boy in front of him.

_And he was singing "Connor, come home."_

Evan’s voice was dry and it made Connor feel horrible. What happened? Why is he like this? What did he do wrong? What went wrong? He looked above Evan and he felt so stupid. So careless. So goddamn selfish-

He stared at his body that was hanging by a rope on a branch. His head was casted down, as if he were ashamed and regretted doing this all together. Connor hated himself, he hated doing decisions without thinking. Now he just stands there, thinking and hearing Evan crying out the same sentence.

_"Connor, come home..."_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of updating my other story
> 
> \- I just felt like writing another songfic and I really liked Mushie's video??  
> \- Let's hope that I never have to write shit like this again  
> \- Sorry for errors, I couldn't bear to read through this ;-;  
> \- I've got a busy schedule this month so idk when I can write
> 
> Have a nice day


End file.
